It's really crazy how we see ourselves, what we feel we look like and then.....what we actually look like. I was completely oblivious at how I looked. I always felt like a thinner person was inside of me. I wanted to feel good about myself. I've just always seemed to have a weight problem. Pre-children I was 200 lbs, but I was pretty comfortable with who I was. After having 2 children and never getting rid of the weight, or should I say yo-yoing up and down the 
scale, give or take 10 lbs. I never could get motivated enought to want to do anything about it. I didn't feel attractive to myself or anyone else for that matter, and how in the world could I possibly be attractive to my husband. Utter sadness and shock struck our life in Aug 2009, my mother-in-love, whom I loved dearly, went home to be with Jesus. It was then, that worry and concern for my childrens future set it. I wanted to make sure that I was part of their future. I want to be here to see them grow up. I do believe I was on the verge of becoming diabetic, my sugar levels were up and down - never really high, but certainly borderline. I became concern with heart failure, as this is what ultimately took my mother-in-love away from us. Aside from her passing, congestive heart failure and diabetes runs in my family on my mothers side. It's a life taker, a silent killer. My mother suffers from congestive heart failure and had a double bypass in 2003. This really should have set me off then, but like I said, the motivation for me was not there. Unfortunately it took the death of someone, to make me want to live better. My mother is now at age 55, and she has been on dialysis for almost a year.... next month.... did I mention she is 55? She went into renal failure last February after suffering another heart attack. It has been extremely difficult to watch her go through all this. It's been hard emotionally and mentally, even on me. Sometimes I wasn't even sure how to approach her. But I know, God holds her in his hands, just like He does with me. These things have for sure been a wake up call for me and my hubby. He's just obsessed now! We began realizing that before you know it, we'll be the only ones our kids have. We have to be here, Lord willing.
scale, give or take 10 lbs. I never could get motivated enought to want to do anything about it. I didn't feel attractive to myself or anyone else for that matter, and how in the world could I possibly be attractive to my husband. Utter sadness and shock struck our life in Aug 2009, my mother-in-love, whom I loved dearly, went home to be with Jesus. It was then, that worry and concern for my childrens future set it. I wanted to make sure that I was part of their future. I want to be here to see them grow up. I do believe I was on the verge of becoming diabetic, my sugar levels were up and down - never really high, but certainly borderline. I became concern with heart failure, as this is what ultimately took my mother-in-love away from us. Aside from her passing, congestive heart failure and diabetes runs in my family on my mothers side. It's a life taker, a silent killer. My mother suffers from congestive heart failure and had a double bypass in 2003. This really should have set me off then, but like I said, the motivation for me was not there. Unfortunately it took the death of someone, to make me want to live better. My mother is now at age 55, and she has been on dialysis for almost a year.... next month.... did I mention she is 55? She went into renal failure last February after suffering another heart attack. It has been extremely difficult to watch her go through all this. It's been hard emotionally and mentally, even on me. Sometimes I wasn't even sure how to approach her. But I know, God holds her in his hands, just like He does with me. These things have for sure been a wake up call for me and my hubby. He's just obsessed now! We began realizing that before you know it, we'll be the only ones our kids have. We have to be here, Lord willing.I share all of this in hopes that one day it will come as help to someone else.
After: This is the best part! Here I am now, taken on Jan 14, 2011 197.5 lbs, in a size 14! T-shirt size L (which i thought would never happen!)
I am a much happier person, I feel SOOOO much better about myself. I am not hiding behind frumpy hideous oversized clothes anymore. I am wearing things that I thought... "I'll NEVER wear that" - I love the newer sized me. Although, I am not done. I still have a goal weight of 175.... only 22.5 lbs away. I know I can do it. It's going to take some more time, but I will do it. My goal is not to actually hit a certain weight - it's a certain "feel". How I feel about myself, how I feel in my clothes, how I feel overall. I am very proud of myself. I tried very hard to do it the right way. Eating a healthier choice of foods, a lot of fresh veggies and fruits, a raw food diet. No Cokes! Drink mostly water. Calorie counting, I can't even begin to tell you how important that is - and I know it sounds like complete lunacy.... but counting your calories really helps. Our bodies need a certain amount of "fuel" to get through the day. If we start starving ourselves, then the body stores up, instead of getting rid of. This makes us gain weight. It never made any sense to me whatsoever, until I'd seen it for myself.
I use a website www.livestrong.com - on this site you can track the foods you eat (even restaurant food), exercise, set calorie goals, water intake, etc. I highly recommend it. Here's some real food for thought..... knowlegde IS power! Get to know what you are putting in your body and it will start to repulse you, literally, you won't want to eat it. You'll learn just how much fat and salt and cholesterol and sugar you are consuming in a day and how much of it is contained in everything we eat! It's crazy. Cook Fresh, Eat Fresh!
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