I sit here tonight with tear filled eyes, as two showers are currently running in my house with the readying of 2 boys who head off to school tomorrow...and my nerves are shot. Did I tell my oldest everything he needs to know before he heads into high school tomorrow morning as a freshman? Have I taught him well enough to handle situations when they arise? Is he responsible enough to handle all the responsibilities that come with schoolwork, homework, after school band practice, football games, and being capable of handling himself when he's away from me for away games? Am I always going to have to explain to people about who he is as a person and the underlying conditions that always seem to scratch...or claw their way to the surface of a rather seemingly normal kid, until he starts scripting movies and singing songs. I'm scared out of my mind right now. Have I taught him to be kind enough, gentle enough, compassionate enough and respectful enough to be around people his age? Have the other kids his age been taught to be compassionate and kind to kids like him? Kids they don't understand? Is high school still the way it was back in 89 when I wanted to hide under a rock from being made fun of and named called and belittled because I was shy? Are kids still that mean? Will they ever know what a sweet kid he is or will they only focus on his negative attributes. Will he be successful this year with his schoolwork? Will he finally get it all together? I don't know.
Will my middle schooler experience drama just like in the years past? Is he ever going to learn to close his mouth and NOT cause extra drama. Will he ever realize when it's the right time to shut his mouth. I love that he's strongwilled, but the dramatic stuff can take a long walk off a short pier, because seriously. Will he finally do better this year than last year or the years prior, academically. Will he finally pass these dumbass STAAR tests that he "has to pass before he's promoted to the next grade level?" Will he hone in on his artistic skills this year and apply himself this time? Will homework make it to my house AND get done? Will he eat spaghetti and chicken patty sandwiches everyday, again? Will he make good and wise choices and choose kind friends from the get go? Has he been taught correctly to be polite and kind and loving towards people and will he apply it when the opportunities arise?
This school year comes with a lot of stress and a buttload of changes. I'm having to pretty much shutdown my massage therapy practice just to make room for marching band practice, football games and of course my day job. It kinda sucks. I feel like I am mourning a loss. Looking at everything written down is about to kill me. I'm stressed to the max. I hope that in a week or two we will be in routine that I can handle and that my stress level drops drastically.
My insides are all in knots.
