When things seem to be out of control, or maybe they are just changing faster than I realize, how can I hang on? I've learned (again) recently that things are not always what they appear to be. Friends are not always friends, the sky is not always blue, the grass is not always greener, and sometimes my socks just dont match. You can't expect things to stay the same forever - even though sometimes we'd like them too. Sometimes we even long for change. People change, the time changes, the weather changes and sometimes circumstances change too. I never understand why things happen the way they do or the reasons they happen.....until later on down the road when I can see how God's hand was at work in this or that situation. I am trying to understand a little better what He's up to right now. I am in a place that I feel that I belong. I also feel like an outsider. This whole post is going to be "all over the place". There is no one particular thing - there are several particular things. The problem is that all these "things" are from one particular aspect of my life. I don't care for the way it's going right now. I am frustrated with a few people including myself for feeling the way I do. Do I address these issues? Do I move on? Do I need more time to think it through? Do I drop all the balls? I am not quite sure how to handle all the things I feel and it's driving me away.
God is in charge. He's in control, even when my world doesn't seem to be. Do I trust that He will reveal Himself to me through this? Yes. Do I trust that He has a reason for me? Yes.
It's a nasty spiritual attack. All these outward circumstances are beginning to penetrate my heart. By getting to my heart, they are making me see things differently, in a negative way. That negativity is starting to rear it's ugly head via my actions. I am becoming complacent and apathetic. None of this is towards God at all. I am just feeling a whole lot of things. In this case I should be drawing nearer to God, but I am not pushing Him away - just trying to figure out how to fix things ...... myself. The usual. Instead of relying on Him, I am trying to fix it myself. What does that say about my trust in the Lord?
My prayer is that I can draw nearer to Him in this time and that he'll lead me wherever He wants me to be.
Heather
