Welcome to my blog, it's my life, these are my thoughts. Sometimes they're cheerful and happy, sometimes they're a big pile of bantha fodder.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

My Legs Are My Hiding Place

You don't really want to know, but you're curious.  You don't really understand, but you're judgemental.  The curiosity is likely hinged on comparing your life to that of another who struggles, in turn trying to feel better about who you are and how screwed up another person is, so you can truly say "I'm so blessed!"  all the while pitying and condemning another over their lack of self control.  We don't all hide pain very well.  We don't all have our pain under control.  Control, there's a concept for you.  The pain I allow myself to feel is under my control.  I explore the level of the depth of pain and decide how deep it's allowed to go and how to release it when it's too much.

My legs.  My legs are my secret hiding place (well, not now, because I shared that).  Abused, battered, bruised, punished, cut, punched.  Pain escapes me in many ways.  Sometimes hurts can hurt us so deep that they'll eventually start boiling over and find a way to the surface in whatever shape, form or fashion it desires.   Cutting, hitting, beating my legs is the overflow of all the emotional pain I have, when things get overwhelming, when I'm consumed with lack of control - this is the one thing I CAN control.  My choice,  I decide,  I can feel as little or as much as I want to.

I share this because this is MY blog about ME and MY life.  I don't want sympathy or attention.  It's a serious struggle for many, many people, people of all ages and walks of life.  You'd be surprised how many of us resort to this as our escape, our way to regain what we feel we're losing control over.  For each person it's beginning has deep roots, different roots than the next person.  Attempt to understand,

March is coming to a close and this month is self-injury awareness month.  In light of this, I wanted to share some of my life in relation to this addiction.   Please try to understand and love and support those who are hurting and hurting themselves in the process.   This isn't a fad and it's not a joke.  This is a real deal.  

#wewillnotbesilent #selfinjuryawareness #siad2016 #TWLOHA #wewillbethehopeful