Immersed

Immersed

The waters slowly cover my head

Filling every space between me 
and what's above 

Drowning out all the chatter

Deafening all the sound

It's that beautiful sound of silence

Under the deep blue

I find my peace

Quiet

And solitude

Here I gladly lose the senses

This is my place to just be

When I'm in this marvelous void

I am free

So free

HD

Dear passive parent, Sincerely, the aggressive parent

Dear passive parent,

I see the awe and wonderment with which your children look at you.  You are the best thing since sliced bread.  You are greeted at the door with giggles and hugs and "da-da!"  Your kids love nothing more than to hang out with you and be with you.  You're too awesome for words. They'd rather sit with you.  They would much rather go wherever you go and do whatever you do.  You hung the moon in their eyes.  It makes my heart happy that they look on you with such eyes of love and they're filled with joy.  

It also breaks my heart.    

Let me tell you about a darker side of parenting... the disciplinarian parent, the not always fun parent, the asshole parent, the aggressive parent.  I shall enlighten you as to how it feels to wear this particular noose.  

When times get tough and you have to constantly tell your children no, that they can not have this or that. That every single evening is a fight over homework.  The kids tell her they would rather wait until daddy comes home to help them with any type of homework.  It's hard to be the enforcer without backup.  How they meltdown when she tells them no about going for pizza or an ice cream.  Asking them to clean their room is like starting a war that she's not emotionally equipped to handle at this moment.  How much of a blast it is to ground her children, only to not have the backup and support from the passive parent.  How it feels to think and feel everyday like she gets no respect from the children that she's doing her damnedest to raise properly, with respect and responsibility, all this in hopes that they'll one day become upstanding citizens in a chaotic world...hopefully.  Making sure they groom themselves in some sort of fashion each day, because the dentist costs a lot of money that we don't have.  She's hopeful that some day they'll actually care what they look and smell like.  How much they think she is unfair and mean because she has high hopes for them, wants the best for them and longs for them to be more much than she is.  How she longs for them to chase down their dreams with fervor and passion. How it hurts her spirit, causes her emotions to lose control, and breaks her heart into a million pieces.... because she is not you.  She is not the one they want, they want you.  She assumes it will always be this way.  Even though her heart aches, she's glad they have you.

Please understand that all this ungratefulness takes its toll on the emotions of the aggressive parent.  High strung is a better description of her, this aggressive parent.  The intent is not to be mean or unfair or to keep anything from them, her intent is to enforce and make rules for the kids to live by.  Rules are for their safety.  She loves them, therefore, she make rules.  

Sometimes her wish is that the roles were reversed, just so she could one time see it from the other point of view.

Sincerely, 
the aggressive parent

Reset

The pain is too great
my strength is at its weakest
this battle I fight
won this round

My eye sting with tears
feeling the burn
seeing the red 
I can pull myself up

Walking away
with my head hung down
because I've been defeated
again


#twloha