I have learned recently that when God calls you to do something, others aren't necessarily going to agree with you. What am I supposed to do? I am not here to please man. I am here to please God, by serving women. Thats where I feel my heart is and where I feel God has led me to. I love serving women. Not that I would ever want to deliberately hurt anyone over anything I do. I will not go against what I feel God is telling me to do, unless He instructs me otherwise.

You can never please everyone, although that would be nice if I could. I am trying to glorify The One.

I was told by a good friend that when you're in ministry, there will be people who will talk bad about you behind your back. Thats ok with me. I wont say that I love the thought! I would like to think that maybe that person is just going through something else, and their issues for lack of a better word, were taken out on me.

Release Me!

It helped to ease the pain
It was a release
The only thing I was able to control
How did I get to this point
Did I always deserve it
Yes, I guess I did
So I thought
It just kept happening
I couldn’t make myself stop
I took the pain you gave
And turned it inward
I bottled it up
til I was ready to burst
And I took it out on me
Afterall, I didn’t want to hurt anyone
the way I had been hurt
I have to live
With the emotional suffering
One day I will be free of it
And I will end this thing
Did I always deserve it
Yes, I guess I did
So you thought

I've posted some of the poetry that I've written. I take my real life experiences and put them into poetic form. They are short and simple and sweet. They help me in recalling details when I reflect back on a memory. Writing is like therapy for me as well as when I paint or do other things with my hands. I am a creative person and my mind doesnt sleep much, I am always creating in my mind, I take after my Father - you know "The Creator of the Universe. I am honored and excited about the talents and abilities He has given me. One of these days I'll figure out a way to honor God with all He's given me.

As my feet touched the ground

I was overwhelmed

by the presence of God

I was bursting inside

with a feeling

I've never felt

All I wanted to do

was cry

for His presence

was so strong.....

-Untitled-

We are strown

like the stars

in the night sky

shining our light

for everyone to see

Hoping that anyone

would notice

that we are

the salt and light

of the world

that you told us

to be

My illumination

it burns so bright

because I know

what I have found

in you God

you are forever

in my sight

- The Night He Spoke -

I can remember

lying there still

I felt your breath

in my ear

it gave me a chill

The neatest

experience I've ever had

To know you were so close

and then what you said

"I love you"

You whispered

so soft and low

Now I know all

I need to know

This poem inspired by the night I heard the Lord whisper in my ear. It gives me chills, when I think about "The Night He Spoke".

"Who are you? I don't know." you say to yourself.

During my wonderful experience yesterday at church during our class, we were told - "Describe yourself, without anything involving your kids", "What do you like to do that has nothing to do with kids" (no so much word for word there, but you get the jist).

A couple of the ladies commented that they know nothing about themselves, they dont know what they like. I was so saddened by that because it touched me on a very personal level too.

I too have not known who I was for a very long time. I didnt know what I liked, what I wanted to do, I didn't even know who I was - I had no identity. For a very long time my identity was caught up in someone else, I had become like him. I was acting like him, liking what he liked, being ugly like him, degrading people "just like him". That situation ended - and guess what..... here sat a sad, broken, worthless girl who had no idea of who she was - I was lost. I was lost because I had let some other person dictate to me who I was going to be.

Over the last year and a half or so, I have been entertaining my "old ways" - but now I am more selective and more convicted about some of those things - some I don't like at all anymore and some I like to keep as a part of who I am. I am re-learning what it was that I liked before, before my focus was taken off me. I always knew deep down what I wanted or my most deepest desires - but I saw it as being something he would not approve of or support.

It has taken me 8 years to get to a point where I know who I am, what I like and dislike, and what I want. I am so glad Jesus got ahold of me, before I did - again.

Art is a major part of my life - I love to create - Just like God my Father "created" the heavens and the earth - I am a part of creation, I share in that creation. God re-created me into the person that I am now. He grew me from meek and mindless girl into a holy and honorable woman of God.

My husband gets to see a different side of me now, that he's never seen before! I hope that is a good thing. I dont want to be like I was - I want to be like I am now - and living for Christ EVERYDAY. My identity is in Christ Jesus. I am more me now than I've been in a very very long time. I missed her and I love her!