A drive, for the heart and soul

Well, it was a good day =) I took a drive out to Huffman and it was wonderful. Guess I needed to get away a little. I enjoyed my time!

Humble thanks to you Lord, for your provision and rescue.

Today, I still feel broken. I am so sick at heart. Lord, please heal my heart.

As dead as a winter tree

As I was coming home yesterday from being out of town, my Nana pointed out to me that she guessed the winter got to all the trees. I responded to her that at least spring is around the corner and this particular tree would certainly bloom and blossom in all her beauty again soon. I was originally referring to the tree, but in another form I was referencing myself. We all go through a season of pruning. I don't particularly enjoy pruning, it's hurts and sometimes it cuts like a knife to the soul. Currently, I feel like I am that dead tree. I am angry and upset and hurt and disappointed. This has been a very rough season on me, mentally, emotionally and physically. I always knew that bitterness and anger were very deeply rooted in me. It's one of those things that I have had to quell for the longest time. Well, she seems to be rearing her ugly head again. All the different things I am dealing with are really beginning pile of top of each other. One feeling re-enforcing the feelings of the one before it. I have not lost sight of God during all of this. I am really relying on him the change my feelings towards these multiple issues. I don't want my relationship with God to be strained. I am trying to desperately to cling to Him. My feelings stink, my heart is broken and my emotions are ravaged. I feel like a disappointment to God, to myself and to my family.

i feel totally broken
but i know beauty comes from ashes.....but right now my heart is squelched

What is a friend?

We're friends right? How do you know if someone is really your friend? How can you tell the difference? A true friend is someone who's there for you. Someone who knows whats going on in your life without even asking. Someone whom you can sit with in silence and it wouldn't be the slightest bit uncomfortable. Someone to listen to you when you just need to vent, or cry, or fuss, or complain. Someone to laugh with. Someone who knows you, what you like and dislike. I seem to find myself falling away from friendships lately. Is it me? That's usually the first thing I ask myself. Is it something wrong with me? Did I try in this friend/relationship?

Friendships are an investment of time and emotion. I love having friends. Women are just so catty and negative and emotional. I prefer being friends with guys. Plutonic of course. I have several really good friends who are guys. They know where the line is and I know where the line is and it doesn't get crossed. These are guys who have been there for me during many different and dark times in my life, even during the hard stuff. From going through a divorce, to having my heart broken repeatedly and just being there to hang out and to listen.

Lady friends will abandon you in a heartbeat. When life throws out a few changes, you are quickly forgotten. Is that what a friendship is? I think not. If you have friends, whether they are male or female - invest time in them, don't just put them off by the wayside. You never know when you'll need them or they'll need you.

I thank the Lord for the friends he's brought into my life, ones just passing through and especially so for the ones who've stayed.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17

I thank you GUYS (Rusty, Tim, David & Kevin) for your friendship and you too Tiffany Ann, my best girl =)

He's so smitten!

The God of the universe, the Creator of all things is absolutely and completely smitten with me! Why me? Because God is love (1 John 4:16), love is one his many wonderful attributes. God is totally enthralled with my beauty. He seeks to woo me with romance and win my undying affection. We get so caught up in who we are "earthly" that we tend to forget or in some cases, don't ever realize what we mean to God. He loved us so much that he sent Jesus, his Son, to die our place (John 3:16). We will never have to succumb to a spiritual death, for Jesus has overcome death and hell. Jesus did that for us, so that we would have to face hell. Our bodies will die a physical death, but never a spiritual one, if you are in Christ. I love being in Christ!
If you are not in Christ, you will be in a place that constantly burns with fire, known as Sheol (place of the dead) or another name for it is Hades. You will die and physical as well as, a spiritual death.
I don't understand why it's so hard to understand the Gospel. It's so simple. I couldn't believe it took me as long as it did to finally "get it". After I was able to comprehend it all, I thought to myself "why is this so hard for others to believe".

God sent his one and only Son, Jesus, to the earth. Jesus stepped down from the right hand of God, and He became sin for us. He took on the sin of the entire world (you, me, our kids, your neighbor, your bff, everyone!) And he was crucified, our sins were nailed to the cross with Him. In Christ's resurrection, he overcame the grave! Walked on earth for 40 days and then He ascended to Heaven. We no longer have to be held hostage by sin. That doesn't mean that we won't sin ever again, it simply means that we are forgiven sinners. God loved us enough to put the plan of salvation in action.
Back in the Old Testament days - a person would repent by transferring their sin to an animal - the animal would then be sacrificed, meaning that person would be cleansed of sin. This is basically the same concept. Christ Jesus became the "sacrifice", ending the old testament ways of sacrificing animals. He became "the sacrifice" for all mankind. All we have to do now is turn to God and Jesus. Admitting to God that you are a sinner, believing Jesus is God's son and asking for forgiveness. It really is that simple. I am so gracious and thankful that God loved me enough, a lowly sinner, to want to save me.

Yea, he's definitely mine!

For My Ian:

Yea, that's my kid.
The one covered in markers?
Yea, that's my kid.
The one with paint on his shirt?
Yea, that's my kid.
The one who's is intently drawing?
Yea, that's my kid.
The one who's always making stuff?
Yea, that's my kid.
The one who wants to be an artist when he grows up?
Yea, he's definitely mine!

I love how your little hands are always covered in markers and paint. I love how your little fingers pick up just the right color of Superman blue and Superman red. How thoughtful you are to draw pictures just for me. I love how you dig in my craft drawers and steal my tape, scissors and paper. I love how you take all my crayons and create art - then break all the crayons in half...maybe they're easier for your tiny hands to hold that way. I love to watch you color and draw. Your hands intently working to display on paper what you see so clearly in your mind. You are a super talented child. You are so smart! I can't wait to see what you become.

I got to hold you and snuggle with you this morning, like I do every morning. I look forward to that each day. Getting to wake you up with snuggling and tickles and kisses. I love your little tiny body, I could just absorb you into my being and never let you go. You are my little firecracker! Such power and might embodied in a little human being. You are a truly amazing kid. I am proud to say "Yea, he's definitely mine!"

A Birthday Abundant in Smiles

Yesterday I turned the awesome age of 37. All in all, it was a very good birthday. I was awakened with a backrub and a little "happy birthday" whispered to me. Followed by Mahoney dragging two kids out of their beds and offering to take them to school so I wouldn't have to get out in the cold. That was nice, because mornings are usually a little chaotic around here. Followed by a quiet morning at home...alone. I decided to scrapbook a little, so I did 1 page and posted and entered it into a drawing on Facebook. Had a little lunch and watch a touch of television. Then my mother called me to wish me a happy birthday. We got to talk for a little while, it made my afternoon! I got lots of birthday wishes on Facebook from many special friends! I am loved! =) Then it was time for me to get the nerds, brought them home, we dove straight into homework. Mahoney came in from the grovery store and hid all his bags of goodies.....kissed me a told me "goodbye!" It was time for me to leave to go to bible study with Beth Moore in Houston (which I ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ !). I had invited a friend (Jenn) to come along with me last night, so I stopped off and picked her up - we had a really good visit and chat along the way. Bible study was uh-mazing - as usual! Jenn bought me a book while we were there, it was a book I had looked at several times before - it's by Beth Moore and titled "feathers from my nest" - I was so excited to get it! I just love Beth. We jetted out of bible study as soon as it was over, and headed to the truck. We had a wonderful time discussing and reflecting on the bible study. Dropped her off at home and I headed home. As soon as I opened the garage door to the house - Mahoney and the boys were standing there singing Happy Birthday to me - it made me smile. They were so excited cause Mahoney had made me a cake and they were anxious to light all those candles. I got out my camera and headed to the kitched to be surprised by a huge chococate cake with all these candles poking out everywhere. Ian made me a birthday card and so did Rusty...... both Superman across the top! LOL Ian even put me a bunch of goodies in a gift bag (his toys) and he even wrapped my bubble gum (which I am not sure HOW he found that, I thought I had it hidden). Go figure. My 37th Birthday was abundant in smiles! It WAS A GOOD, no, IT WAS GREAT DAY.

Honest to blog!

Well, we didn't get any snow - just ice. Of course there were plenty of accidents out on the roadways yesterday, like 200+ from midnight to 7am, that sucked. We are used to this kind of weather here, so people don't know how to drive in it. We weren't out in any of it though. We stayed right here at home - except for the funeral we went to yesterday morning, oh and then the lunch that we decided that we needed - El Toro of course, but by then the ice was melting. It took the boys ALL DAY to clean their rooms. These 2 knuckleheads are something else when it comes to doing what they are supposed to do. Other than arguing with them about cleaning up - we relaxed and facebooked and lounged around in our pajamas. It was nice. I love not having to "go" anywhere. I could just sit here tomorrow as well.
Tonight we are going over to some friends house to discuss ministry stuff. Looking forward to hearing what they have to say about it and see how it would involve us and still trying to see if we are to be involved or not. I really want to be a part of this. I think I am afraid of it for reasons of being freshly hurt. Not sure at this point why I'm afraid to commit to this. Waiting on the Lord to lead us to an answer, well I am waiting on the Lord to lead ME to an answer anyway. Not quite sure where Rustys head is on this one.

Bracing for the cold!

We're all ready here in Baytown for God to show his amazing handiwork again - this time with some possible SNOW. The kids were released from school early today and they don't have to go to school tomorrow. The SNOW is supposed to begin sometime this evening and into tomorrow. I am excited. This is not something that we get very often here in Texas, so - yes, I am happy about it. I look forward to some family time, some chillin out, drinking hot chocolate or coffee and bundling up on the couch watching movies.

Today I made Hummus for the first time - it turned out really good. I liked it a lot. I ended up combining 2 recipes.

1 can garbanzo beans, liquid drained and reserved
2 tsp ground cumin
1 clove minced garlic
1 tbsp sesame oil
fresh ground salt

Mix in a blender or chopper, use some of the reserved liquid to add back to it as you blend it til you reach the desired consistency. Comes out like bean dip. I love the flavor the sesame oil adds to it.
Serve with crackers or pita chips, my hubby has suggested Fritos...... he's a guy =)

Anguish to Joy

Last night I went to Tuesday night bible study with Beth Moore at Houston’s First Baptist. We are currently studying the book of James. Last night the theme of the study was on “joy” and “anguish”, but mostly anguish is what we discussed. After at least ¾ of the way through the study, I realized and said to myself “what does any of this have to do with James?” We didn’t even discuss James (at all!), which was fine – she could speak on pretty much anything and still keep my attention. All during the whole study and speaking about anguish and the description of it, my heart kept going back to the beginning of January and all the things that transpired – I literally was in anguish over it all. I was consumed by it, I was angered by it, I was hurt by it, so much that I just would have been better off curled up in a ball in my closet floor. And the crying, I spent so much time crying about it, just when I thought I was out of tears, here came another wave. It wasn’t until Beth read Psalm 55:1-5 to us – that it hit me. We read the scripture from the NIV version, but I using the NLT:
Psalm 55:1-5 (NLT) - Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring trouble on me, hunting me down in their anger. My heart is in anguish. The terror of death overpowers me. Fear and trembling overwhelm me. I can’t stop shaking. - This scripure describes a lot of pain and anguish over a certain situation. Then, she said this is a Psalm pertaining to the betrayal of a close friend – WHOA! Are you serious!!! I know my mouth had to have dropped wide open and of course the tears came again. Listening to her speak on anguish and how it felt to my soul and the betrayal of a friend/s – it hit me in the heart.
In hearing all of this I also learned that anguish is meant to lead to a birth. Mental anguish is like the mind being in labor. There is something beautiful meant to take place from all this pain. In relation to childbirth – we go through harsh labor and pain and then when this beautiful child enters the world, when it’s all over, we forget the pain and our pain turns from anguish to joy! What does this mean to me? It means that something lovely and amazing is going to come from all this “stuff” I’ve been going through. I know God has a plan. He is revealing things to me through others – it’s amazing! We have been asked recently to become involved with beginning a brand new ministry, from the ground up. It will be involving the 18-29 year age range, getting into the meat of God’s word with them. This is an age range that is often overlooked – there needs to be a way to bridge that gap. Children are with children – the more mature folks are with the more mature folks… then there’s us – the 20+ & 30-somethings. This totally sounds like an incredible ministry opportunity. I am very excited to hear more from God on this and see where he leads us both in serving Him. My desire is to serve Him, in whatever way he desires for me.
- Thank you Lord, for your word last night, I was utterly floored and amazed. I felt as though the entire message was directed at me, it was as if you were the one explaining all this to me. I treasure you Lord, I treasure your word, I love that your ways are higher and your ways are better – even when I don’t understand them. You are the God of my days and the Lord of my life. Only you are worthy of my praise. In the saving name of Jesus Christ, Amen and Amen! (truly truly!)

HAPPY FEBRUARY!