As I was coming home yesterday from being out of town, my Nana pointed out to me that she guessed the winter got to all the trees. I responded to her that at least spring is around the corner and this particular tree would certainly bloom and blossom in all her beauty again soon. I was originally referring to the tree, but in another form I was referencing myself. We all go through a season of pruning. I don't particularly enjoy pruning, it's hurts and sometimes it cuts like a knife to the soul. Currently, I feel like I am that dead tree. I am angry and upset and hurt and disappointed. This has been a very rough season on me, mentally, emotionally and physically. I always knew that bitterness and anger were very deeply rooted in me. It's one of those things that I have had to quell for the longest time. Well, she seems to be rearing her ugly head again. All the different things I am dealing with are really beginning pile of top of each other. One feeling re-enforcing the feelings of the one before it. I have not lost sight of God during all of this. I am really relying on him the change my feelings towards these multiple issues. I don't want my relationship with God to be strained. I am trying to desperately to cling to Him. My feelings stink, my heart is broken and my emotions are ravaged. I feel like a disappointment to God, to myself and to my family.
i feel totally broken
but i know beauty comes from ashes.....but right now my heart is squelched
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