You know, I am not the kind of girl who walks around all meek and woe is me and really not that mysterious either, but I have a little mystery to me. I'm not the silent type especially around those I know well. When I am out of my comfort zone, that's when I tend to be quieter and make an attempt not to draw any attention to myself. Is my lack of gentleness the demise of my parenting skills? I tend to have a hard time saying ANYTHING nice when I am upset... unless I'm boohooing and then who wants to hear a woman with snot and boogers and tears everywhere. I can't stand to talk to those kinds of people. Suck it up! Tell me what you gotta say or go to the stinking bathroom and pull yourself together, while you're in there, clean up the snot! Anyway, I digress.
After yesterday's encounter with the whole "i'm going to kill myself" escapade because of a frickin Wii... yea buddy, that's worth taking your life over. Plastic. (He's a dramatic 10 year old). Yea I know, I cant believe I'm not freaking out over those words myself, but I know my son and I know how he is. All is well.
Anyway, so after that whole shebang I had HIGH HOPES for this new day today. Afterall, we laid in bed last night and snuggled and tickled and giggled. Well those high hopes came CRASHING DOWN by 7:30am! Someone got up with same attitude and loving personality that he displayed yesterday evening. Lovely. He's upset because I told him he could not take his vampire teeth to school to show all his friends that he's a real vampire. I said 'you're not a real vampire, you're a 10 year old boy and you'll end up getting them taken away' wait for it..... yep the eye-roll, crossed arms and a hummph of groan.
In my attempt to make this go away - I told him 'fine, take them to school, go get them' which I thought he had done until I returned home to find them sitting in a cold glass of water on the counter (he thinks they're dentures, keeps them in the fridge!). Which would explain why he wouldn't speak to me all the way to school. I even asked him if he wanted to pray - he ignored me, as usual.
Those who know me well, know I am kind of a fun girl, I like to laugh, make others laugh, I like warm hugs and hot coffee, have a terrible book fetish, I love long walks on the beach.... LOL Okay, okay, gentleness. Yea, I'm not exactly cut of that cloth, I'm more a spunky natured person. Gaining gentleness has been so tough. It's one of the fruits of the spirit that I don't believe I was born with, wasn't ingrained in my DNA, but it's totally okay, it can be an acquired trait too!
Being gentle when what I really want to do most is lash out - is SOOO hard. In all honesty, I just want to spank him for the disrespect he is showing me. I know he is growing up and exercising his independence. My job is to see that he is growing up properly and learning to be responsible and respectful to others. I always feel like I should fire myself from being a parent. He makes me feel unloved and like everything I do as his mom, is wrong. He makes me question ME!
I ain't going down without a fight. He better get his boots on!
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