Without My Mom

It's my 2nd year spending a motherless Mothers Day,  

I may be motherless here in this physical earthly world

 but I have a MOM.

She resides in a realm unseen.

Although I can't go there to see her,

She visits me in my dreams.

In my dreams she is healthy.

She is forever young.

A place where she smiles without a care in the world.

One day your world will change too and everything you know will cease to exist the exact way it had before. I'm here to tell you that it truly sucks.  For those who understand exactly where I come from, I extend my condolences and heartfelt sympathy to you.  To those who don't understand my experience with losing a mom, I pray you never have this kind of life change at such a young age.  I don't like this day anymore.  I don't feel like celebrating.  To some that my sound childish, since I too am a mom and I am "robbing" my children of celebrating "me".  That's not the point.  The point here is that I am just not ready, maybe I'm selfish.  All these stupid moms day cards and greetings and flowers and other crap are just little daggers that pierce every tender piece of my heart.  

So please, PLEASE don't tell me to "celebrate" this gloriously ignorant day until you understand how I feel.  Just let me alone and let me feel what I need to feel to cope with days like this.  If you only understood just how much things changed, you'd be heartbroken and have the same sense of abandonment as I do.  Don't get me wrong, I am so, so very grateful that her suffering has been relieved and her pain is gone and she is rejoicing with our Lord and our Savior.

but I'm still here.  without a mom.