With thunderous applause

Our morning began at 8:00, we quickly packed up and headed to the nearest beach.  We were greeted by seagulls and their songs and the waves rushing to the shoreline to meet us with their caps of sea foam.   It was beautiful morning on the beach.  The wind was extra gusty this early morning.  I turned my face towards the wind and allowed to it tousle my brushed hair into messy salty locks, just enjoying the breeze without a care in the world.  It just felt good to sit there and not have to think about anything, no worries, no problems.

I sat there in my chair and watched my boys splash around in the water.  They were enjoying themselves. Every now and again, hubby and I would join them in the water.  The water was a bit cool and a touch choppy today, pretty good sized waves crashing onto the beach.  I sat there on the shoreline digging my hands as deep down into the sand as I could, hoping to fish out something really cool.  I found a piece of pottery that a seagull hanging out above my head mistook for a piece of food, I obliged him, he decided it didn't suit his "taste" hahaha.  

Hubby and I returned to our beach chairs, about that time some other children arrived and walked straight into the water with my kids, they played.  My kids like to play!  Company is always welcome and they always make a friend or two somewhere.  Storm clouds surrounded us most of the time we were there, then one of them decided to let loose.  Why leave, we were already wet anyway =)  I love the rain, I love the beach - great combo!  

After the storm moved over us, we began to talk about life.  I confessed how I had been feeling for the past year and a half.  Dealing with depression and all the issues surrounding my moms passing and how I have felt abandoned by losing her and then all over again by my dad moving away right after.  I felt lost and broken.  My brokenness has kept me in a depressed state of mind, which has led to weight gain, my anger, being closed off and not caring about anything.  My emotions have remained on high charge for the last year and a half.  A part of my spirit, a part of my soul died when my mom went to her heavenly home.  I've recently been dealing with issues steming from different forms of abuse throughout my childhood right up in my teen years and my mid-20's, add that the mix and you have a recipe for self-destruction.  Here comes the rain again.  

I can relate the sunshine and the rain of today's adventure to my life in a personal way.  There will be rainy days.  There will be days that the sun shines so brightly that I'll have to squint at the gloriousness of it all. There is elation and joy laced throughout my life and there is sadness and dark stuff too.  God showed me, through a seashell no less, the brokenness and ugliness on the exterior of this hard shell, but the inside is smooth and beautiful.  I know I will still have rough stuff to go through, but during all of that I hope to keep my focus on the beauty inside of me, keeping my eyes focused on the Lord.  I am just a cracked, chipped, vessel and sometimes I feel useless and chalked full of holes... but that's not how God, my heavenly Father, my Creator - sees me.  To Him I am a beautiful creation, his daughter and one day I will be made whole, complete and perfect. I am just a seashell being rolled around and scraped against the sand trying to survive the crashing waves of life and at points getting to relax on a nice warm beach somewhere.

This afternoons therapy session ended on a high note with thunderous applause from the skies followed by a downpour of rain.  That was our cue to go home happy and a little lighter in spirit.

#thereishealinghere
#myfavoriteplacetobeach