The Glory of Love

You've got to win a little

Lose a little

And always have the blues a little

That's the story of

That's the glory of love

The Glory of Love performed by Bette Midler is one of her favorite songs and is also from one of our favorite movies "Beaches", I can't even begin to count how many times we've seen Beaches & Steel Magnolias.  We'd sing along, laugh and cry.... every time.  That song has a whole new meaning to me now, it reminds me of her.  It's funny how you can hang a memory on a song or movie or a smell - it just keeps life moving with them in your heart.

You've gotta win a little.....
The story of love that I am referring to is passing of my dear mom.  It's so hard to believe she is gone, that I will never hug her again, that I will never hold her hand again, that I will never kiss her again, that I will never go to Hobby Lobby to yarn shop with her, we will never spend another Christmas together, or a birthday or Mothers Day.  I will never get to watch her sneak a sip of my aunt's mixed drink when she walks away - and when my aunt returns.... she realizes her drink is gone and doesn't realize it was my mom, until we start giggling about it.  I get most of my sarcasm and smarta** remarks from her, she had such a quick wit and snappy comebacks.  My mom was my best friend and partner in crime.  We'd make homemade fresh potato french fries at midnight and we'd see how many Cookie Crisp cereal's we could cram in our mouth at one time.  I learned so many wonderful things from her.  I learned to crochet, to quilt, to cook, to make icing, and homemade bread.  She taught me to stand up for myself, to be a strong woman, to be independent and loving.  She had such a way of tongue tying and twisting her words into something that is normally perceived as garbled noise, the crazy part of this is that I normally understood "momspeak" pretty clearly.  

Lose a little....
Genetics began to take it's toll on her, she began to go downhill pretty fast in Feb 2009.  She would bounce back every time, but during her decline in Feb 09, she ended up on dialysis and her congestive heart failure had worsened.  It was at this time that we realized how serious it really was, scary and very serious.  I shutdown in fear of losing her, I wish I hadn't, but I can't change that.  I spoke with her in Jan 2011 - almost 2 years after she became seriously ill and I explained my actions and we began to heal our relationship, she was understanding after that - she had no idea about the things that transpired before I shut down.  During that 2 years I did talk to her, but our relationship had changed - because of me.  I am so thankful that things between us were "normal" again for the last 2 years, I am so glad that I don't have any regrets with regards to that.

And always have the blues a little......
Yesterday, my brother and my sister and me went to pick up my mom for one last time, bringing her back to her final resting place.  Its so surreal to carry a loved one out in a plastic box, bagged up in a burgundy velvet sack.  It's hard to believe that this is all that is left of a very full life.  We had a noon service at parents place and those who wanted to share something about her shared, myself included.  There were so many things I wanted to say but I could hardly articulate the words, but I was able to speak, so that was a good thing.  Everyone headed to eat lunch at my aunts and my dad, by brother, my sister and me stayed behind to do Cherokee ceremony and spread her ashes - just the 4 of us - it was a beautiful thing and very peaceful and special.  Cool wind blew through the trees laced with touches of warmth and the aromatic smell of sage burning around us.  I have never been to a "ceremony" like this before and I doubt I ever will again.  A unique service/ceremony for a unique-LEA special lady.

I love you mom and I miss you terribly.

Thank you, thank you

thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

In loving memory of my mom, Lea

Love & Light always - your babygirl

  

This is the Story of, this is the Glory of LOVE.

I love you forever and always mom.