It's been many many years, probably since I was 12 years old that I've had this same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as indescribable sickness, a dreary heaviness and a longing. It's an overwhelming feeling of being homesick - longing for one more chance or opportunity to see my mom, one more time to go home, one more time to be in a place where I am comfortable being, a place that I always know is "home" - a place where I am familiar with everything, the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the warm familiarity. I've had this same deep seeded emotional pain when I was 12 and living in Colorado with my dad. I ached so badly in my heart, I just wanted to be at home where my mom was, I missed her terribly. Tonight I feel that same ache from missing her, just like I did then, when I was 12. I was raised by my mother and was used to being with her all the time. My dad did his darned to provide a home where I would be happy and thrive, it was just never really "home" for my heart. Now here I am, my mom passed away 21 days ago, and I have this same nagging gut wrenching feeling of home sickness plaguing me - a sickness to the core. I have missed my mom every single day since she's left. Good Lord, I hope to learn a very valuable lesson from this, never take life for granted for it can all change in just a moment.
I feel like I've had a huge gaping hole punched through my heart.
I feel so
... hollow
...... and
.........empty
.......... inside.
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