Things I've learned in the dark

There's not a single word on the planet that can pull you out of the dark, unless you're ready to come out.  People can call you, message you, email you, text you, visit you, bring you cake, but there's pretty much nothing they can say that will drag you out of the pit you're in.  Words are not always necessary, yet we still search for the right thing to say.  

You don't want anyone to touch you, hug you or try to get in your head - it will either make you angry or make you cry and you really don't feel like doing either.  People will try to figure you out and see what makes you tick.  You're not looking for sympathy and you really don't want anyone around.

The dark is a lonely and desolate place with nothing but you and the destructive thoughts that self talk you into an oblivion.  Most of the time you believe every word you tell yourself, mostly the bad.  Your own thoughts can drive you deeper into darkness than you ever expected to go.

In the dark there's nothing but despair and loneliness.  The dark can very loud at times, other times the silence can be deafening.

Sometimes it's actually comfortable in the dark, you don't have to talk to, entertain or be bothered with anyone.  There's no pressure to look as though they're helping you to feel better, no need for them say meaningless words that pretty much have no impact on you.  Although, "I wish you'd just leave me alone" crosses your mind at least 17 times while they're yapping.

Sometimes it's comfy to be sitting in the dark... alone... running on autopilot.... living in a fog.  Do you want to be here?  No, of course not.  But it is what is and there's nothing you can do about it, except choose.  That choice is up to you.    Let someone extend a rope, then decide whether you want to grab ahold of it.

All this from a professional wall builder who has made many wrong choices.