This morning I was awakened by the sound of thunder rumbling aimlessly through the clouds and flashes of lightning bursting through the darkness. The feelings have been building for a few weeks. I don't always let these things out when I feel the urge to do so, I just go on and try to cover it up with a smile and pretend like I am not hiding a lot of pain behind these red strands and dark makeup. I've had a certain heaviness and sadness in my heart for some time, a longing if you will, a homesickness. A longing for things that will never 'be' again.
On a morning such as this, I miss my mom. A lot.
I'm still in the grieving stages and this morning was all about her. On my left hand was her silver ring band, the sound of the rain beating down outside was something she loved dearly, and to watch the lightning streak across the sky in every direction, then as I got ready to leave the house I could not find my jacket, I could only find hers. I stood there fighting the tears that wouldn't cease and they only seemed to intensify the more I thought of her being gone. I stood in the backdoor and let the sound of rain envelope me and the cold breeze nip at my face and chill the tears trailing down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and imagined what she would be doing on a morning such as this.
On a morning such as this, I know exactly what she'd be doing and wearing and drinking and smoking and with teeth chattering, talking about how much she loves lightning and how it is too darn cold out here on a morning such as this!
On a morning such as this, it sucks to be mourning like this.
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