The Son Comes Shining Through

It's SO amazing to be part of a body of Christ who love each other, love the Lord and act as Jesus' hands and feet in the time of need of another. It's wonderful to see God move in the hearts of people, to compel then to open their hearts and move them in the direction of the Son. Every person rose to the occasion and saw a need and met that need. Realizing the need that a person has for a place to live and food to eat, the basic needs of life. I am glad to report that as of yesterday they were able to move in and have electricity and she even came to church last night, with a thankful heart. Such a lovely person. I pray that she and her family see and feel the love of Jesus in our church.

As I am thinking of them, I am thinking about me, about you, about my parents, about my family..... we are only a paycheck away from suffering from the same circumstances as they were. Being in a 1 income family, it's especially tough. If that 1 income is gone, due to job loss, laid off, cut-backs, etc.... then what do you do.....if you can't find anything else? I have learned that trusting in the Lord to provide is more important for the well-being of the body, mind and spirit. It's so comforting to the soul to trust in the Lord and know that He will provide for your "needs". In this case.... He provided bigtime - the son came shining through! I am so so very thankful to Jehovah Jireh for his provisions for this family and for mine.

I am in such a praiseful and worshipful mood - I just can't seem to thank Him enough. I never want to grow passionless in Christ. Praise Him for all he has done and is going to do!

Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples! - 1 Chronicles 16:8

Oh! How I Love My Ian

There's just something about your eyes
The way they sparkle
The way they shine
The way they intently observe whats going on
All wide-eyed and attentive
The way they squint up when you laugh
How I love those eyes!






And OH the laugh!
that infectious laugh
the laugh that tickles my heart
a laugh that makes me laugh too
laughter that resounds joy
How I love that laugh!

You love life so much
You find everything fascinating
You enjoy everything
All things are new to you
All the time
How I love that you love life!

Superman is an obsession for you
You cut out supermans
every chance you get
You're so creative, all the time
I love the way your mind thinks
How I love that artistic genius in you!

You have your own language
Your own way to talk
A language that I can understand
That sometimes, other can't
A secret speech that we can share
How I love that talk!

Your smooth little tummy
perfect for raspberries
great for a belly rub
and little kisses
How I love to rub that tummy!

To love white donuts this much
has to be a crime
every morning you search
with that gleam in your eye
til you find the prize you seek
donuts in the cabinet, oh joy, what glee
How I love how you love donuts!

Your cute little toes
And your tiny feet too
ticklish to the slightest touch
just a touch curls up into a ball
just to get away from my hands
How I love those little tootsies!

Precious pouty little lips
lips that pucker-up for a kiss
lips that curl up when you get mad
a mouth that turns downward when you are sad
cute little lips that steal kisses
How I love those lips!

I'll love you forever
I love you for always
Forever my baby you'll be

love, Mommy

Are you keeping a box?

It's amazing to me. We spend our whole collecting "stuff", stuff that we need, stuff we think we need, stuff we can't seem to live without, but mostly - it's just stuff, stuff that we can't take with us when we go.

what happens to the stuff? it gets given away. it gets put out by the trash. it goes into a garage sale and those memories - sold for a dollar, never to be seen again.

Our life ends up being left behind - in a box. Photos of us throughout our life from birth to old age, birth certificates, death records, letters home to mom and dad, letters from sisters & brothers in the military or college, the feet print of a brand new baby and the handprints of a child in elementary school, a grandmothers bible filled with well worn pages, a grandfathers old used pocketknife.

The most wonderful thing to me is the fact that my family keeps "a box" - that is the best passed down treasure I could ever receive. I am a little emotional as I write this, this morning because I know that someday in the future, I will receive some of the "what's in the box" that my mother has been collecting for years. It's a wonderful beat up brown box full of history, my greatgrandparents, my parents, my brother and sister, nieces and nephews, my children, and of course me.

As we grow older and begin to grow our own families, we start our own box too. In that box we place treasures from our past and collect new ones from our future to one day pass on to our children so they too - can begin "a box". It's amazing to me, how our life ends up - in a wonderful, beat up, treasure-filled, brown box.

Are you keeping a box?

Dedicated to my mother, Lea - for keeping all of these treasures so we can keep our boxes going :) I love you, mom.

While I'm waiting...

I am still waiting, I am still seeking the confirmation I so desire to hear from the Lord. It's all about Him and the will he has for this life he has allowed me to have. I want so much to hear from Him and know that it's not my own thoughts. I know He has a plan and that he has a plan for me. I knew that I'd be here, right now, 3 years ago. I felt it so strongly. I also know that this is not the end. This is just the beginning of what God wants me to do. My hearts desire is to be used by God, to further his kingdom, to bring people to the understanding of God and who He is and what he is capable of doing in them. I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, giving ALL the honor and glory to my Father in Heaven!

As if they were saying goodbye

I sat and I watched
their eyes were filled with heartache
she reached for his hand
as if it were the end

The sorrow and disappointments
of the last few weeks
weighed heavily on their minds
was it almost time

I wondered what they were thinking
the silence was deafening
the magnificent bond they share
abounds in a tenacious love

The look on her face
as she looked at him
it touched me so
it was as if they were saying goodbye

Really? You want me to do this?

I am feeling led to surrender to ministry. I am nervous and a little scared - but there's nothing I can't do, especially if God is calling me to do it. I know the Lord will guide me and provide me with the necessary information and tools I need to accomplish the task. My feeling is that He is leading me to write bible studies for women, along the line of getting excited about scripture and all the treasure that the Word of God holds and longs to be discovered. My wish is that we as women, would get so fired up and so excited and become consumed by the word. In that process we would become utterly amazed and fascinated, completely floored and long to share the joy of what we have discovered in the word of God.

I have been feeling the call for quite a while, and for the last few weeks - I keep hearing "surrender to ministry" "surrender to ministry". I want to be obedient to God and do what He's calling me to do. Aside from being told, point blank a few weeks ago, I am still looking for that whack on the head, the hit me between the eyes, the handwriting on the wall confirmation. I pray that I don't disappoint God and will help build up women and get them excited about our Holy Glorious God.

Prayers are appreciated and very welcomed, if you feel impelled to do so.

Writing Love On My Arms

I've been open with and accepted by a few of my close friends, sharing with them the struggles that I deal with. It's as if they never knew of the things I do. As if they've never known that anything was wrong. They treat me.... like a person, a human being with feelings, cares, desires and fears. They dont treat me any different than they did before I told them these hidden things in my heart, these hidden things in my mind. That speaks volumes to me - to be unconditionally loved by and have such wonderful girlfriends. Only a handful know, it's just not something anyone talks about. Who could be that "out there", that they would want to do something like that... on purpose. It's not necessarily that I am "out there" or that anything is mentally wrong with me.



It all started when I was a child. I can still visually see this person coming at me and putting their hands around my neck, choking me. I deserved it. I was crying in bed. I deserved it. I was afraid of the dark. So I deserved it. I can see it as clearly now, as I did then. Thats a scary image. Because I deserved it then and I was an unloveable person, I deserved it for the rest of my life. That was how I got through things, that was how I released all the pent up anger and aggression inside me. Apparently my actions were making someone mad, or upset or angry, so I figured that because I made someone feel that way - I deserved to be punished. So I did.



I suffer from self-inflicted injury, because I deserved to be punished for all the terrible things I've done to the people in my life. Do I think all the things I've done were terrible, no. But at the time that things are happening, they always seem worse than what they actually are. This just never came to a stopping point. It got to a point many times that I just wanted to end it all, and be gone from here all together, afterall, I was causing pain to others, so why should I be alive. I thought that I should feel as bad or worse than the person that I hurt to begin with, even though I may not have done anything wrong. Just the fact that I did something to someone that upset them - that was enough for me to do what I needed to do to myself. I am not obvious about it. No one ever knew that I did these things to myself, not even my parents, my sister, my brother - no one. It was a secret that only I knew about. Only a few years ago, I told my husband about these things, and they were still happening. Maybe thats when my healing phase started, after Jesus found me. But it wasnt that easy. This was not going to just.... go away. I still look at things and think about ways that I could injury myself with them.





I still fight with the temptation a lot. And when I feel the urge, I clasp my hands together tightly and I pray for God's help, until the thoughts pass. There are many many times I feel so weak and I act before praying, then the guilt eats me up, because I feel like I should have stopped it. I am not delivered from this "illness", but I am conquering it daily.

**Rescue Is Possible*Stop the Bleeding*Wake Up, You're Alive, We're on Your Side**

**Love IS The Movement**

BE LOVE, because you never know what the person you are talking to is going through - you can BE the difference in a decision someone makes today.

Tomorrow is To Write Love On Her Arms day. A non-profit organization that reaches out and provides help to people like me who suffer from self-injury, and people who suffer from depression, addictions and abuse. I pray that the world will come to understand more about people like me and the reasons we do the things we do, accepting us, without judgement.





To learn more about this please go to http://www.twloha.com/