Valley of Holidays

the clock incessantly ticks away the minutes
 until -
    the last Thanksgiving
 until -
    that last moment i spent with her alive
 until -
     i hugged and kissed her goodbye
 until -
     i saw her smile for the last time
 until -
     the moment i received the call
 until -
     the moment i rushed to the hospital
 until -
     the moment that i was too late to say goodbye
 until -
     10pm the night she slipped away
 until -
     the day i knew i'd never see her again in this life
 until -
     the 1 year anniversary of my last moments with her
 until -
     the 1 year mark of losing my mother and best friend

i cant begin to describe the immenant amount of suckage to ensue in the coming 4 weeks
i cant even start to tell you exactly how much i remember of these last moments
and how permanently etched they are in my mind and on my heart
i cant adequately explain in words the ache that is constantly nagging my heart
i am so plagued by memories and mementos and stuff that reminds me of her
i am thankful for memories
but i pray God with strengthen me as i walk through this valley of holidays