Annoyances of grieving

Don’t pretend to know the pain in my heart; don’t act like you know exactly how I feel.  You may understand to a certain degree of how I am feeling, but you don’t know how “I” feel.   I am so tired of hearing “I know exactly how you feel”….. blah blah blah!  I know these words are meant well and the intention behind them is meant to be helpful, but it really just makes me frustrated want to tell you to “shut up.”   I hope you never have to lose your mother at age 57 years young.  There are so many things we say to our grieving family and friends, things that just don’t make sense sometimes.  I know there are plenty of times that we just don’t know what to say or how to say it, so the first thing that comes to mind is what comes out of our mouths and it’s just the same thing over and over again.  Sometimes I just wish people would stop talking.  I also wish people who don’t really care, would just leave me alone and stop pretending to care.

I know my mother is NOT sitting up in heaven looking down on me, she is not crocheting scarves or afghans, she is not quilting or making fleece capes, she is not designing stained glass pieces or making turquoise and silver jewelry, she is not making mosaic coasters with frogs and palms trees, she is not making fresh homemade bread or  homemade french fries at midnight, she isn't whipping up pecan pies that we love so much, she’s not cracking jokes or snorting when she laughs, she’s not twisting her words up because her “fades don’t shit” aka her  “shades don’t fit”, she’s not sneaking drinks of someone else’s alcoholic beverage, she’s not blinging out her shirts with swarovski crystals.  I’m pretty sure she is not giving advice to anyone on their life or circumstances; she’s not trying to get out of the car with her seat belt still on because someone pissed her off to no end.  She was a feisty thing….. Maybe that’s where I get it from…  J  I am grateful for her spunk and her brass; it made me a stronger female and taught me to (being blunt here) - “not take shit” from anyone – so I don’t.  She taught me to be strong.  So I am going to keep on being that strong woman she taught me to be.

I know that others think that saying these things will console me and I get that, but the truth is my mom couldn't care less about this earth or any of us anymore.  So no, I don’t believe she is “looking down from above”.  I believe she is happy, healed and worshiping our awesome God.  She is in the presence of the Lord and we were created to worship Him. 

As for me, I am still dealing and having a hard time understanding it all.  But today, I am standing on a promise of God:   Psalm 34:18 says – The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.  In Hebrews 13:5 - God says I will never leave you or forsake you.   These are the scriptures I need to dwell upon today.  Thank you Lord, for your Word.  Thank you for caring for your daughter.