A lone tree

Well, yesterday was a pretty good day... for ME. I can't say that it was for the other members of my family. Hubby was a crabby patty yesterday. He wakes up this morning telling me that his teeth hurt, I said "it would have been easier to tell me that yesterday".... Then I wouldn't have to wonder what he was so grouchy about. I have a quilt bee meeting with my quilting friends today. Excited about that. I love their company and the fellowship with them. I am making some fresh bread for them this morning. Yea! Therapy!


You know I was really touched the other day, I got an email from a friend of mine, Fletcher, who is going through a tough time. I had painted this piece:


In an email he told me that is spoke so loudly to him, that he felt like that lone tree standing there. I thought it was the neatest compliment that I created a piece of art that spoke to someone. To quote him - "Man that pic spoke volumes to me! Its like I felt like a lone tree and there it was!!" - I thought it was so sweet. He even made it his profile picture on Facebook!


Lord, I give this day to you and all the days coming, I pray for your hand and blessing on each of these days. I pray you would go before me and guide each step I take.

Boom Boom Pow!

This morning began with a big BOOM! I don't and probably never will understand why my children decide to push every button I have before 7am! I am just beside myself, again, with these 2 turkeys. I would love a nice quiet morning, without chaos. A peaceful morning with a hot cup of coffee. I know they are kids and they are going to outgrow this crap at some point.

A life altering bomb was dropped a couple of weeks ago on someone close to me. I found out about it today, it's a devastating blow and confirms the suspicions I've had all along. I am so sad for him and the changes that are taking place in his life. I love you bubba and I'm here for you.

I had an appointment with a school in Houston, to become a Massage Therapist. I met with a nice young man who gave me a tour and explained everything to me. I got all the information I needed and I headed out. It looks like a promising place. I'm excited about it. And I will graduate in 7-1/2 months! I can begin doing whatever I need to do. I am so ready to take this next step in my life. One more goal that's within my reach. I love school. Praying this is the right move for me to make.

Got the boys from school and come to find out that my youngest son had a rough day at school and got yet another demerit. I don't know what's going on with him. He is going through this independence thing. He's got to learn to understand that there are rules in life and that you can't just say whatever you want to, to whomever you want. He's so disrespectful.

Came home to a financial blessing in the mailbox, thank you Lord for your provision and taking care of us. You are faithful even when I am not. Aside from all the craziness and challenges of this day, I thank you for the day Lord, and thank you for taking care of us.

Love, your babygirl

May 1, 2011

It's been a pretty productive weekend. Pretty much stayed home all weekend. It was nice, but busy. Got my big boys bedroom patched, textured, primed and painted. Got it all put back together and it looks good. Moved my little guy in the room with him, they like being together .... for now. I began moving all my art goodies into my little guys room, so now it's mine.... for now. I look forward to being able to do some quilting without actually having to clean up all my stuff (I normally sew at the kitchen table). I was beginning to think that I was going to go crazy with stuff being strewn all throughout this house....I can't stand clutter/mess. It overwhelms me. So today, I played hookie from church, stayed home and cleaned up my house! Much better! Then in the middle of laundry, my dryer decides to crap out on me, it tumbles, but it doesn't heat anymore (again!). Oh well, it figures. It's always something. Guess I'll either be dryer shopping or looking for another thermostat. Seriously need to just get it fixed since it's cheaper. I don't need a new bill.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to meet with a school in Houston, so I can start my way to becoming a Licensed Massage Therapist (LMT). I'm excited to take this step and do something with my life. I've never gone to college, so I am a little nervous. I had a job for 14 years and I thought that I'd retire from there, so there was no need for me to attend college. I ended up resigning so that I could be a mom at home with my boys. Now it's time for me to do something else. I've been home for 4 years, doesn't seem that long, but it has been. I'm ready for a change.

According to the news on EVERY channel tonight: Osama Bin Laden is dead. So sad that he has done what he has to the USA and all the lives that have been lost because of him. Even sadder that he didn't know Jesus Christ. As a Christian, we shouldnt be happy that anyone is burning in hell. I am not responsible for the loss of lives, like he was, but in God's eyes - sin is sin is sin, no matter the size. WE are the ones who measure sin. It's bittersweet and looks like justice has been served. I pray for the families who have lost loved ones at the hands of this man.

A freshly baked blog post

Homemade breads - done and yummy! So glad that everyone likes it. I finally figured out how to make bread and I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself. I feel like I have accomplished something. I can actually wear that label of "Baker" LOL :) I have successfully made 4 batches of 2 loaves of bread and 1 super failed batch of 4 loaves (for church bakesale)! Got my water too hot and so my little yeast guys were screaming and died....causing my bread, NOT to rise :( I kinda sucked. I got up at 4am just to make sure they were fresh made for church that morning. Oh well, I'm still learning. Tonights bread was a regular loaf and the other was cinnamon and brown sugar. Yummy! I have previously made orange cranberry bread, it was pretty good too.

Life is still crazy and has it's share of ups and downs. Some days are better than others. We are still working on getting my big boy straightened out with meds. Hoping and praying that these are working for him and since I am not at school with him during the day, I am not sure how well that is working out. Worried about his TAKS testing next week... God please guide him through these tests. He really needs to do well on them.

Personally, I am still not sure on the decisions that I need to make. I am afraid of the way I feel. I also feel that I am not useable by God because of the feelings and thoughts that I have. I know that anyone can be used by the Lord. I just feel like I am not a good witness, although the Lord knows where my heart is. Of course, He also knows exactly what will happen with this life has given me. I just wish he would clue me in a little. I still have to make some choices and I need all the guidance He can give!

Aspergers anyone?

We officially have a diagnosis now.... Aspergers Syndrome, which falls under the umbrella of Autism. As least now we know what we are dealing with. He has a high-functioning form of Aspergers. He can't relate too well socially, he has trouble with repetition and obsessiveness. He gets stuck on one thing and can't get it out of his head, until he's ready. He is beginning to realize, and it makes me so brokenhearted for him, that he doesn't have any friends. I wish things were easier for him. I am just now beginning to take the steps to see what kind of help I can get for him. Right now I just feel like someone took my lego starship apart, put all the pieces in a box and violently shook them all up! I've been able to put a few pieces together, that's a start. Praying for God's guidance with all of this.

Keep your thoughts to yourself

Along with the added stress of other things happening in my life, I am still trying to figure out the best way to help my child manage/overcome/handle his ADHD. Here we sit again, trying to figure out what med or other changes will be the best for him. Today we are heading back to the doctor again. The sooner we can get his figured out the better off we'll be. I hate having to try him on all these different medications. I seriously would love the Lord to guide us to the right treatment. This is getting old already. It is affecting every part of our life. Home, school and church are all affected by this. I get tired of complaining about him, I get tired of hearing teachers and principals complaining about him, I get tired of hearing his teachers at church complaining about him. It kills me that he has such problems at school making friends because of his ways. Most of them complain that he is annoying. Unfortunately they're children and children are just mean. I've been a victim of that before as a child. It just saddens my heart that my son is going through this and I hate that he is having to deal with things like that. I can't be there to protect him all the time, although I wish I could. I try to be at the school as much as I can and be supportive of him, sometimes it's just hard. It's hard when you feel like you have to avoid certain situations just so you don't have to hear someone else speak negatively towards your child. It sucks.

Uncomfortably Numb

Sometimes, things that you think won't change, change. Things that hope will change, don't change. I am sitting at a crossroads right now. I'm not sure if I should go to the left or to the right. I seemed to have buried myself again. I keep shutting down more and more and in the meanwhile, I'm pushing everyone around me even farther away. I'm to the point that I'd really just rather run away and forget everything. I have a 1,000 different emotions going on in my mind and heart and I can't seem to sort them all out. I feel so numbed out right now. Like no matter what happens, I wouldn't care, nor would I be surprised by anything. That's how numb I am.

I know Lord, that you already knew all this was going to happen. I just wish you'd give me a glimpse of the outcome, cause I am losing heart here real fast. I need a ray of hope to be shed on this whole thing. I know the way I feel is wrong. I've prayed so long for it to change, and it hasn't. What do I do now?