An ever-changing weather forecast

You never know what kind of weather you'll encounter on my blog.

I love the Lord, yet I struggle through this daily life I live.

Some days my struggles are worse than others.

My past haunts me at times.

My life is actually great. 

I love my life.

I love my family.

I love people big.

I love hard!

But I don't feel loved big.

I don't feel worthy of big love.

I read too much into things.

I overthink.  I overreact.

I'm irrational.

My emotions screw me up.

I'm in my own head.

I'm out of the box.

I have issues.

I'm not crazy.

I am crazy.

I'm faithfilled.

I'm faithless.

I'm strong.

I'm weak.

I'm a human being.

I'm a child of God.

There will always be a mix, a potpourri of things on my blog.  These are my experiences through life and writing is one way I deal with them, good or bad, even the extremely ugly.You'd probably be thankful for all the things I don't write about!

Romance of Relationship

Romance is defined as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. To be wooed, chased or pursued. I mean seriously, who doesn't want to be WOOED!? 

With romance, there will be things you won't agree with necessarily. The person you are romancing won't always be reciprocal or accepting of your advances. There are and will be things about your love that you really don't like, but you love them as a whole person despite their minor shortcomings. 

Romancing someone can be hard work and it takes effort on both sides. This is an ongoing effort to consistently make your relationship work. But isn't it worth it? 

We have an invisible God who desires to romance us, chase us and pursue us. God also longs to be pursued, romanced even. The word says that the Lord your God is a jealous God. Aren't you jealous for the affections of the one you love? Of course God is jealous, he wants us for himself. He desperately loves you and wants to show you. Yet you won't give him the time of day. We treat a Holy God as though he doesn't exist, unless we need something from Him. When we treat God like he doesn't exist, we separate ourselves from Him, we begin to fall away....again...and again...and again. 

The romantic part of all this is that no matter how far you fall away, no matter how long you given him the cold shoulder and ignored Him, he STILL wants you. No matter how much you disobey Him, no matter how much you romance the notion of other loves, no matter how much you shun his advances, he still wants YOU. 

Think about the person you love most, your significant other, your spouse, your fiancé, the love of your life. I'm pretty all those shenanigans wouldn't fly with them and you'd likely never want to hurt them like that, and then have to see that pain you caused them when you look into their eyes.  With God, he loves you in spite of what you do. His heart is set on you and you are the apple of his eye. 

That's the romance of relationship with a jealous God.

Things I've learned in the dark

There's not a single word on the planet that can pull you out of the dark, unless you're ready to come out.  People can call you, message you, email you, text you, visit you, bring you cake, but there's pretty much nothing they can say that will drag you out of the pit you're in.  Words are not always necessary, yet we still search for the right thing to say.  

You don't want anyone to touch you, hug you or try to get in your head - it will either make you angry or make you cry and you really don't feel like doing either.  People will try to figure you out and see what makes you tick.  You're not looking for sympathy and you really don't want anyone around.

The dark is a lonely and desolate place with nothing but you and the destructive thoughts that self talk you into an oblivion.  Most of the time you believe every word you tell yourself, mostly the bad.  Your own thoughts can drive you deeper into darkness than you ever expected to go.

In the dark there's nothing but despair and loneliness.  The dark can very loud at times, other times the silence can be deafening.

Sometimes it's actually comfortable in the dark, you don't have to talk to, entertain or be bothered with anyone.  There's no pressure to look as though they're helping you to feel better, no need for them say meaningless words that pretty much have no impact on you.  Although, "I wish you'd just leave me alone" crosses your mind at least 17 times while they're yapping.

Sometimes it's comfy to be sitting in the dark... alone... running on autopilot.... living in a fog.  Do you want to be here?  No, of course not.  But it is what is and there's nothing you can do about it, except choose.  That choice is up to you.    Let someone extend a rope, then decide whether you want to grab ahold of it.

All this from a professional wall builder who has made many wrong choices.